My name is Cal. I'm a 16 year old (17 next month) with a boyfriend who's just as weird, if not weirder than me, and I he's the only person I enjoy. I love him. When I die, it will be by his hand. ♪
I spend about 60% of my day on my computer. I like watching Youtube videos about diseases, playing games, blasting music, and jerking off. I also like to create things (writing, music, art), but I usually end up zoning out and doing nothing.
The other 40% is high school and sleeping.
I like theatre. I'm usually extremely shy and quiet during school and just about everywhere else, but I find it nice to take on the life and demeanor of someone else.
I also love music. I am the only tuba player in my school and everyone loves me for it.
This site is to express every part of myself that I've hidden from others, so yes, I will be oversharing and I do not care.
I haven't gone to a doctor or therapy, so these are merely spectulations based on my symptoms. My parents and I suspect I have ADHD, Autism, OCD, BPD, and AVPD. I also suspect I have P-DID. I have Also been suspecting something schizo related but I'm not sure. I want therapy mainly to try ADHD medication, because it is ruining my fucking education!!! Everything else I can work around, but not my attention problems.
I am a paraphile. Specifically, I am quite positive I'm a paedophile due to trauma. I grew up associating my youthfulness with my attractiveness while being abused by adults, and it never really went away, so I now associate youthful traits with being sexually appealing. I'm working on it. I am strictly anti non-consensual contact. I have a few more but I don't imagine you're here to read about a 16 year old's sexual preferences.
Speaking of that, I am also hypersexual due to the amount of sex I was exposed to in my childhood. It's a big issue for me as well.
I spent a bit of time on SHEDtwt when I was 13-14 years old. It's odd, because I kind of wanted to be anorexic to fit in with others I knew, but all I did was develop shame for my weight and nothing else. I did lose a bit of weight by skipping meals, but I wasn't fully committed or anything. I'm embarrassingly sensitive to eating disorder content now. I have been cutting myself since I was around 12 though, and I still do it. I cut myself for fun mainly. I find it stress relieving and arousing, varying on the day.
I don't necessarily want to work my entire life, but I am interested in some specific things. I am very interested in science, mainly chemistry, so I would enjoy a job related to that. I've been interested in medicine for years, mainly working with diseases and viruses. I had a strong filmmaker phase that only lasted a few months, but I do still daydream about making a movie. Though, I enjoy acting far more than production. I would also like to be an actor. I daydream about it a lot. Even my mother told me I seem to be more passionate about acting than anything else. I REALLY want to act in a small film for now, like a student film or something, and work up to bigger things. I'm not super sure how all of it works, but I'll figure it out when the time comes.
For now, I do art commissions or selling designs for money. In the future, I want to keep my artistic side a hobby, mainly (drawing, music, coding). I get burnt out quickly when it feels like I have to create things.
My true dream for the future is to live somewhere secluded, probably the mountains, with Andre. Then we can do whatever we want to each other without anyone calling the cops if we make too much noise. :P
This is kinda becoming an extended version of my old private twt intro. Andre knows. Hi Andre.
I'm very passionate about things I like. Ask me anything about TOOL. Do it.
I main Soldier in TF2 and play 20 body 20 tech tech-shotgun characters in Cyberpunk 2077 if that means anything.
